November 21, 2008
Bigbug meets Ladybug
Bigbug was discovered on windscreen wiper today.
He was picked up by his rabbit-ear and placed on a two dimensional landscape created to suit his accoutrement. His archaic, desaturated crust.
Ladybug was collected on index finger and roamed the barren divide between her and purple blossoms.
She tackled BigBug the mountain. And won.
[current mood] Infectious Enthusiasm & TV on The Radio
November 17, 2008
I sometimes daydream of being a painter, if only I could coordinate that thought with the purchasing of paints and canvas, and further collide it with the concentration to sit down and do the painting. Alas, my self doubt probably freezes that one over all too effectively.
In the contemplation of this concept, once again, whilst in Africa and with the doll-making memories of saddle, blanket and running stitch taking over my visual cortex, I landed upon the idea of expressing my artistic ideas through the needle!
Not only is the technique very slow and limited, it takes away the need for perfection because the beauty in stitch is actually imperfection. With limited 'notes', you can 'paint' a simpler, more expressive picture.
It takes away the need to be as good as Renoir, and allows the outcome to be expressed from somewhere deep within. Like writing with your left hand, stitching is so removed from normal paint brush motorskills that the pressure is off, and the subconscious can speak.
I have come up with a couple of little projects on which I may shine more light later on,
But for now, I have stitched a little book of messages (above) and stitched a thank you note to my recently visited internet friend, Carla.
Carla found me via this blog years ago when she searched for Mafia threats and came across some silly graphic I constructed for unpaying clients. Of all things!
Turns out that Carla and I are kindred spirits - designers, gigglers and lovers of all things beautiful and crafty. We risked meeting up in 'real life' this month, in Capetown. And from the minute I spotted her taxi sign, we laughed, and didn't stop for a week. Turns out she was just as I imagined via some emailed words and pictures!
What a relief that the internet didn't lie, didn't produce a 70 year old pedophile creep, but instead, two real women who have formed a genuine friendship. Thanks www! You've come a long way since 1997.
[current mood] Mango and Strawberry Thickshake & The one-song soundtrack to Anne of Green Gables
August 29, 2008
Have my design and eat it too.
I like my designs being turned into cake.
[current mood] Arrested Development & Tuna on Crackers
July 14, 2008
Here is my exploration of beauty using the uniquitous Australian Gum leaf.
I found these leaves on the grass of Bay Rd, Claremont, the street is lined with huge white gums that lead me home.
This little piece is about my understanding of the ancient Japanese aesthetic, Wabi Sabi.
It's ultimately about imperfection and how nature's hand provides the deepest beauty.
I believe that by connecting with this wild beauty we can embrace the marks of nature in us - on our faces, in our hearts and accept this right up to that point at which we are engulfed by the earth, to seed more life, to become all, again.
[current mood] ABC presenter voices & Smokehouse Almonds
March 3, 2008
The Future Of Ideas
The future of ideas will be inadvertently affected by the future of light bulbs.
[current mood] Poached Pears & The Ramones
January 12, 2008
Resizing my Originals
See, I'm not very good at drawing, but I have a job to illustrate a "Sustainability Pack" for a new sustainable village.
A trick I learnt when I was about ten playing for hours on dad's office photocopier on the weekend, when I wasn't photocopying random office objects, and my various body parts, was that a regular drawing once reduced or enlarged takes on a new magic.
So I have recalled that realisation for this job and I am now deciding whether I should do tiny scribbly drawings and blow them up so you can see all their blobby details and simplified shapes...
or draw really large on big sheets and shrink it down so that it becomes cute and nifty in its line work and neatness...
I'm wondering if this applies to other things. Do they just look cooler on a different scale?
mmm.. let's see...
People (babies and giants)
Food (the big pineapple, lolly pineapples)
Nature (bonsai trees and the California Redwoods)
[current mood] Homemade Guacamole & The Sundays
October 6, 2007
The Black Sack
The Black Sack is a 'fashion void'.
It says nothing, it means nothing. It is void of style, culture, age, race and time. It cannot be judged.
It is the choice of clothing for those days when you wish to not participate in fashion and the judgement that befalls it.
Anything we put on our body in our western culture comes with a pigeon hole. It makes a statement to others about 'who' we might be, whether we like it or not. Even a choice like 'not caring' comes with a label, a subculture, a class.
The Black Sack solves this by being nothing but a black sack.
Viva La Black Sack! And pass it on...
(nb: You can make your own from black material. No-body owns it, No-body makes it. I just thought it was a bloody good idea for most days of my life).
[current mood] Free Burma Chants & Coconut Milk
September 12, 2007
The problem with the 80s re-hash...
is that I've already been there.
I walked out of the hairdressers with a slight gulp in my throat, and snuck glances in most reflective surfaces as I made my way to the car. When I got home and examined the cut closely I was STRUCK - I had not asked the hairdresser for an 80s cut, I had just been given a piece of what is currently 'in'.
I shot to my bedroom and found an old photo album. Low and behold, as I suspected, I had a precisely 1982 haircut, as fashioned by myself at age 4.
Well, in the front only, I have managed to incorporate some long strands and choppy stuff in the back, so as to credit myself with actually living in 2007 - and not being a toddler.
So perhaps we can all take our childhood photos out with us to the shops and places of beauty to be styled as indicated by ourselves (and our fashionably avante garde parents).
I'm just hunting down a red sweater, some magnet picture art and a double chin.
[current mood] Cherry Green Tea & Split Enz
August 30, 2007
Yet another signwriter fuck up
I think it is a minimum requirement that a signwriter can spell. Actually, make that speak the language in which they write the sign, rather than just 'Donkey'.
I checked throughly and no, it was not some clever pun, the shop did intend it to be 'have'. There seems to be no other explanation other than that the signwriter got distracted half way through his V by a bamboozling blonde and just went "Haaaaaw, check that out".
And we've all made that mistake before, someone is talking about pizza and before you know it you've emailed someone a quote for pizza design....
What I just don't get is how the signwriter just finished his W, picked up his tin of paint and walked away. He didn't take even a moment to gaze upon his finished work and give it the once over 're-read' and think... hang on, just a sec, that doesn't actually make SENSE!
[current mood] Strolls with Modest Mouse & Sourdough Fruit Buns
July 16, 2007
A splice of rainbow in a blue and tan world
I always gain a pinch to the heart when I drive past this building with its one multi-coloured window.
It reminds me of the marbles I marvelled over, of puddles on oily roads that I divided with my bicycle tyre, of a rainbow in a stormy grey sky. And it seems so intentional that this one window remains in a set of clean white and blue replicas.
[current mood] Change & Beth Orton
April 13, 2007
It's a cover-off!
It's become an unintentional cover-off between myself (for Drum) and the photographer Carine Thevenau (representing Xpress).
First up it was the WAM cover in which we utilised all members of Eskimo Joe between us, Drum going for wacky and playful and Xpress going for a Logies send-up with not much goof.
Then this week, it was front-to-front with the In The Pines promo, in which the rather sneaky Storm (Sex Panther) and Abbe May moonlight by appearing on both covers! Was it an in-joke? Was it innocent? Will we ever know?
But as you can see, Drum went for the more eery serious tone this time whilst Xpress tied Peter Barr up and had storm playing evil Eve... I like!
Did we intentionally swap styles? I know I wanted to try something different and perhaps Carine did too.
It's all on with the challenge of appearing like the better mag...
[current mood] RTR & Smell of Pork
March 23, 2007
I see a painting
Van Gogh was inspired by a landscape and painted an impression of it.
I was inspired by a landscape that looked like a Van Gogh painting.
Another realm exists when life imitates art which imitates life.
Van Gogh's "Peach Tree".
We had this as a jigsaw puzzle as kids.
Base of Ayers Rock
The greens that made it to life around Ayers Rock were truly iridescent especially in contrast with all the ochre stained textures. This shadow side of the rock held a different kind of magic. The burnt spinifex clumps in sandy earth created an eery feeling at the base of towering stone. I was walking it alone and was amazed that not a person was in sight for most of my 9km walk. I love that this can happen, in such a people-flooded world I can still find myself alone in an amazing space.
[current mood] Blissfulness & DJ Kicks Mix
February 28, 2007
Rotting flesh delights me
Now I know why these peaches were going for $5/tray.
I couldn't eat one of them. At least I got another delicious decaying fruit photo out of it.
[current mood] Hot Chip & Pelting Rain on Tin Roof Outside Office Window
February 10, 2007
Why you love gloss
Some designers only dream about using uv gloss spot varnish....
FORM see it as a design priority!
They allowed me to drip it over the invitation design for the Port Hedland's new precinct launch.
The recipients have described them as "beautiful".
The gloss causes you to take the brochure in your hands, run your fingers across its surface, over the gloss pieces woven through flat matt. You gently angle it towards the light. The invite gets more eye-time than just flat colour.
I've been pondering why shine & reflection are such beautiful things to the human eye.
Is it their proximity to water? - An element of life (and 90% of our body).
Because it reflects a source of light, the sun? - Our god.
Does it explain why we like eyes - glossy and watery, reflecting.
Why we like precious metals and stones... they glitter & sparkle.
[current mood] Gin and Tonic & Angus and Julia Stone
January 28, 2007
A scene from my life as an 80s housewife
Picture me this afternoon.
Alone in the house...
It's boiling hot so I tied my hair up high in a bun on top of my head, but in parts it is too short so it hung down over my neck at the back.
I changed into my other mumu dress that is exceptionally short and unattractive, very much like a florally decorated sack.
I then took to the floor with a vacuum sucking up dust in corners. I finished off the house with some serious mopping.
Once done, I left the mop and yellow bucket leaning against the wall and collapsed on the couch in front of the air con. With my thongs resting on the coffee table I continued watching the Best of 'Pat the Rat' from Sons & Daughters.
At that point my friend from Brisbane rang and we chatted about his wedding plans,
I looked over at the mop and bucket, I looked down at myself and thought there is simply no question as to why I am single.
I painted it out for him, and once off the phone proceeded to do some make-shift aerobics in the lounge room which featured the grapevine and starjumps.
I am embracing this phase.
[current mood] Black Eyed Peas & Frozen Yoghurt
November 23, 2006
I have been too busy being a self-inflicted butt of many jokes.
First for xmas drinks invitation, the theme is 'decorate yourself'
and second for a client who thought I had an antennae because of my intuition with her
Here are some design forecasts by Nat:
Cool minty colours
Rich royal tones in purple and green
Light and Air
[current mood] Empty New House & Cheese and Tomato Crackers
November 10, 2006
Clash is the new black
The current underlying fashion-based belief on aesthetics:
The more you can pull off 'ugly', the more beautiful and cool you are.
It's all in the clash, the wrong combinations, breaking the rules and showing how you can still make 'wrong' right!
Of course it is all still within a certain schema, you can get the wrong, wrong.
It seems to be some kind of dare started by fashionistas and models... I pondered whilst looking in the window at tshirt dresses in canary yellow with pink and blue geometric patterns. How did the zeitgeist come to be a belief of ugly? How did ugly become cool this year?
This of course ties in with the re-love of the 80s. Mostly taken on by those born in the 90s. It's above-waist belts, footless tights, neon makeup and teased hair... ok, the more sexy interpretations of the 80s. With some prettier girls taking on the uglier side just to show off.
To those girls,
I dare you to spend a day in the conveniently forgotten 80s fashion:
A stonewash denim jacket, stirrup pants, a scrunchie in your hair and shoulder pads.
Then walk up and down King St and see if you get a nod.
If you can pull it off, you must be extremely HOT.
[current mood] Rubberfunk with Aerobics & Work Manicness
August 21, 2006
I've been finding the colour bars on material, packaging and even toilet paper to be somewhat of a delight. It's the unintentional design element that I find so much more fascinating than the intended one! I recently deconstructed a sultana packet to see all it's oddly printed sections - like peeking around corners and under the folds.
I'm inspired to recreate some of this accidental design on an upcoming project. I wonder if the kids will dig it? or get it?
I love spoof design! Design that mimics flaws.
I think I just coined that. mmm...
This sideline design piece is from my mum's studio. It's a silk fabric from which she makes skirts. I love the numbered targets of colour. Good enough to eat.
[current mood] Nachos & Gin and Tonic
July 21, 2006
I like to decorate my window sill with findings from the street.
This duo feels so wintery. Lilac blossoms and brown bumpy leaves.
I'm not sure why this image feels so American to me, there is something about the weather, colours and flora that throws me back to a dream-like memory of living in Louisiana.
I only visited when I was 3 years old, has it stuck with me so subconsciously since then?
Perhaps it links to my mother who grew up there.
I think I hold some of her memories in my cells.
I'll go ask her...
[current mood] Siesta for Boogie Energy Manifestation
July 10, 2006
A symbol from Peru
I was very moved when my mum gifted me with this necklace from Peru.
She said she thought of me when she saw it.
What she doesn't realise is how me it really is. I've just been reading the Celestine Prophesy set in Peru and delving into chakra colours and energy. This is an uncanny reflection of everything I am focusing on at the moment. The colours are even in precise order, and the shape is like a topographic view of a person from their crown chakra to their base. The little pearl piece at the top represents a universal energy, the drop of which feeds all of our own.
I wonder what the creator sees this design as. But does that matter, now that I have applied my meaning to it and see it perfectly represented?
I don't know if there is anything better than a gift derived from love and acknowledgement that is aesthetically pleasing and holds timely meaning to both the giver and receiver. joy!
(Please note, it was also the first time in 28 years that mum got it right)
[current mood] embossing, varnishes, diecuts & uncoated stock
June 28, 2006
One day I'm going to be caught pink handed....
Tonight I did some art at a place I've dubbed 'Grapefruit Park'.
I painted something that reflects what is unique about the park, and that, to me, is really important in public art. If it can extend its meaning beyond the relationship it has with the creator, and symbolise and celebrate what is special in an environment, then its got real value, long term value.. not ephemeral ego stroking crap.
There are enough graf artists pissing on walls (and calling it art) and self-publishing in elite industry journals - its high time for some sharing of the love!
On a side note, last night I was talking to my friend Carla (a talented designer) who realised after travellling to Milan and being immersed in the world's best design and fashion - that it was all bullshit! She has since decided that the only things she wants to surround herself with are things that hold meaning to her. Not walking into some 'cool' store to buy some slinky homeware piece that is sold to us to fill the void and yet when we bring it home it tends to make us feel more empty.
Instead she is letting objects make their way into her heart and then into her life through travel, relationships and passions. yep, i'm taking a leaf out of that book.
[current mood] Raspberry and White Chocolate Muffins in the Oven & 6 Feet Under - the entire 2nd series in 2 days
June 25, 2006
Beauty is Energy
Did you know..
that when you're perceiving beauty, you are connecting with the energy of life?
And the original beauty is found in the wild.
Down south this weekend I fell in love with the world a little more - the scrawley wirey dried vines and the forest of trees of all sizes and textures... and that milky way, revealed!
I wasn't moved by the flattened farm land or the economical concrete shapes,
beauty is only found in that which possesses life.
If you're struggling to find beauty in our city then look beyond at the clouds, the sunsets and each individual part of nature amongst it all... these hold the secret to life. Let's hope the sky stays with us when every other part looks so threatened by 'progress'.
[current mood] Smoked Cheddar & "Is that even music, Nat?" hmmm!
June 23, 2006
I've heard that imitation is flattery before,
but never did it strike me like this example...
I designed this flyer for Propelarts...
And then the new staff member, Zoe Pepper, imitated the little artists in her portrait.
I love it!
[current mood] Green Tea (8 days and still no coffee!)
May 31, 2006
Mount Lawley Morning
The images are:
egg on grill
I went for a morning walk on Monday - a method of avoiding the wake up and sit in front of computer routine. After I made it around the corner, my eyes led me down an alley I had not visited before. I decided to explore it. Some beautiful things with raindrops gave me goosebumps so I bursted back home to fetch my snapper - and continued on my walk. I even went jogging with the camera - can't let it stop me from getting exercise!
So I took a range of images home with me. These are some of them.
It's an exercise that gets me thinking:
Q: Why Am I doing this?
A: I love it! It quenches me. To find beauty is a thrill and to turn that into a still is magic.
Q: Have I got talent or is it just a choice?
A: Still not sure, once you do things naturally and for fun it is hard to tell if it's talent when it takes little effort. Is the act of 'seeing' a talent? I feel I am noticing and then making some choices about angle/focus and crop - but is that so special? OR is the mere choice of creating this art - the art.
Q: Why do I choose certain images?
A: The basis for making my choice to shoot is what causes me to stop mid walk, what draws me in, what causes a little leap from my heart. So, my own sense of beauty and aesthetics creates this. I respond to when nature has just captured something splendid. Turning the normal into a painting due to its transient momentary feel, discolourisation, water, sun and wind... all these things add a temporary aspect which to me is beauty. wabi sabi!
Q: Why am I so nature obsessed?
A: I was worried that all I wanted to photograph was nature - so I pushed myself to see the beauty in the manmade - which I normally overlook unless it is architecture. I started to look for the sunsets and the layers in the ordinary objects around us. I made it my mission to turn these into images with more meaning. And throw a bit of nature's rusting and deteriorating in there - and you have me!
[current mood] The Beatles & Tiger Tiger Coffee
March 31, 2006
Playing Dress Ups
As I laughed all the way to meet my friend for lunch, I thought how great it is that dressing unusually provides so much self-entertainment. It's free fun!
I thought I should experiment with this more. Play dress ups for no particular reason - always!
I bought these tapestry boots in Melbourne because they were just so fantastic. I've since tried on everything in my wardrobe and nothing at all suits, so yesterday I picked the most ridiculous combination, including a shirt that mimics the pattern!
And there I was giggling on foot, and the first thing my stylish friend says is 'great boots and that top - really suits!'.
How did I manage to pull this off?
Perhaps the more ridiculous an outfit is, the less people are likely to question it, feeling that it just must be cool because it takes confidence to wear. And confidence is true cool.
This theory seems true for me because when I see people wearing outlandish things I tend to veer towards admiring them, not judging.
Everyone wishes they had the guts to play with life more.
[current mood] ABC Classic FM & Hangover Cures Anyone?
March 28, 2006
a library world
I'm back! Been to Melbourne to see friends, been to Brisbane to model as Uma in Pulp Fiction in an IT calendar (promoting the industry to young women - not blokes!), I bought a sexy mf motorcycle and I finally cleaned up the house. So, I'm free to start blogging once again!
So, I've been wondering a lot lately about researching for design projects WITHOUT Google. I've become horribly lazy in recent years, Google imaging for a quick references for my designs or finding out about client's competitors and market by just doing a quick keyword search.
With all the media around Google and if it is making us stupid, it is heightening my awareness of how I am not doing a thorough enough job on my research and how what Google offers is limited to those with the access to the web and with their own agendas.
But how else do I get this information? No one seems to be able to tell me how designers in the 1970s and 80s got all their research. Perhaps it was through a great library of books and journals.. but did they have books on 'logos other hairdressers are using'... or 'what style is popular right now with men and beauty therapy?' I really don't think this information was easily accessible or even collated. Probably didn't exist - if something was about the current climate, that would take too long to create and publish a book on to remain current. This is one great advantage of the web, as it gives us a snapshot of how life is RIGHT NOW.. hmm, there is an interesting thesis idea...
So, Google has changed the way we approach design! We design with so much more current knowledge, (but perhaps less thorough knowledge and historical knowledge).
But as an experiment to myself, I decided to get away from the quick and cheap solutions that Google provides and take myself to the library and it was great because I felt revitalised for the rest of the day! It felt like such wholesome research. (Clearly it has been a long time since Uni research days).
I get such a thrill sitting in those little private desks leafing through books that widen my eyes and put a chuckle in my heart. I couldn't help but peek into a few unrelated worlds, which is where I found this gem above.
I had a momentary passion to live in the library and just devour everything in there - from economics to a history of barbershops.
But, photocopies, they only take you so far. And they're expensive.
But I got some great images and texts I wouldn't have found on the web, and while you're sifting through the shelves, just a peek around the corner takes you into art deco architecture, or go down the wrong isle and you're looking into the history of playboy, which I suppose is like Google, you just take one link and you're off in a whole new world.
But this way it all feels more inspiring and esteemed. Maybe it is the physical aspect of walking INTO the knowledge and putting the effort into finding it? Where as Google can be like an untamed ferret, taking you into dark loops where there is just a lonely man screaming his unsubstantiated rant and bad animated gif notions.. hmm.
Time for bed..
[current mood] Vegetarian Nachos & Opening Baby Pink Blooms
February 27, 2006
A gift of hessian slippers from Narelle. I did not know til 5 minutes ago that hessian comes from hemp! Funny how you miss things like that in life. These slippers might just be the epitome of aesthetic over function! Love them!
This photo reminds me of ballet slippers as shot by the talented Jon Green - Perth dance photographer. I've been talking to him recently and assisted in a shoot in order to witness his style. Such a gentle man. He really shows you how important it is for the photographer to make the model comfortable. The art of photography entails so much more than framing up a good shot. It is also about being a teacher, a facilitator, a conversationalist, an energy creator. Many of my shoots have fallen in a heap when I get stressed (normally equipment failure or self-conscious boys), my ability to hold the room gets lost in the tension of my mind. So, I think an early night and a camomile tea would be better way to approach a day of shooting. for sure..
I am also currently 'head over heels' which when I tried to photograph made me realise my yogi postures were in need of serious refinement... And then I googled the term... turns out it is another of societies screw-ups...
Excited, and/or turning cartwheels to demonstrate one's excitement.
Many people would recognise that meaning. What most wouldn't do is take time to consider that it makes no literal sense - after all head over heels is the normal posture. A version of the phrase originated in the 14th century as 'heels over head', which is really what we mean when we use it. The phrase evolved into head over heels much later as it was used in everyday speech without a great deal of thought.
And in other news, today when waiting in line at the post office, I realised I had two clothes pegs in my pants pocket from hanging out sheets this morning. I clipped them both to my pocket for safe storage. And the thought did cross my mind - and then played itself out as I left - a women approached me to point out that I'd left some clothes pegs on my pants!
Oh, perth, how you will never be able to see the art!
[current mood] Tosca & Herbal Joy from Leaf Tea House
February 19, 2006
Yesterday I travelled to the hills, to the scarp, to bush I hadn't seen. I stopped for a coffee next to a candy store and through the window I saw this delicious eye candy. Just two button necklaces hung over a chair. The sign said "locally crafted" and "$10.50". The rainbow, the length and then the price meant this one was mine.
I asked the owner, who made this? "My daughter" she replied. Looking at her face I thought this daughter must be young... "15" she tells me. Ruby is her name.
I was even more warmed that a girl had made this necklace from gathered buttons and used her pure heart to build something that excites her. No university or marketing method, just a girl on her bedroom floor. Authentic art I'd say - nothing contrived. Is it less valuable because of this? Or more because it is fleeting?
Well, now this colourful string of buttons swings with me over my bicycle handles and rolls across my chest as I design and dance.
[current mood] "I feel like a child" Devendra Banhart & Brazil Nuts, way too many Brazil Nuts
February 12, 2006
This is what love letters should look like.
January 27, 2006
An eye for difference
I don’t think it is unreasonable to cry over this. ?
I’m just going to have a little whine!…
I bought 50 sheets of paper for the printing of my business cards and when I supplied them to the printer he said “oh yes, this is riverstone”. So instead he bought his own sheets to print on, returning mine…
now, that I’ve brought my press checked card home, i’m shocked to discover how - not alike - these two papers are. I am angry. I am upset. How could he not see the distinct difference between these two papers and on top of that, if he did, not think it worth mentioning?
Can’t you see how the bumps in the card are so geometric, so even? My paper has a gentle, organic rippling to it that suits my whole philosophy. This stock looks like egg-cartons. nb: This photo does not do the difference justice!
The colour of the paper is even the subtlest shade more yellowy than mine, which was more natural/creamy. Trust me.
My paper feel dense, of quality. This one feels light and cheap.
I find it hard to understand how one person can see all the detailed differences and yet another just goes ‘yep, the same’.
I think it would be different if these weren’t my cards and I wasn’t paying $500.
[current mood] Smokehouse almonds & windchimes
January 16, 2006
oh shit - what? I'm not special?
I came to earth
and all I got was this lousy bacterial infection…
And by contrast, in the guru’s clinic, my friend gets told she has strong connections to a spiritual world. So, what does that mean for me? He tells me to just have fun, to just “let go”… guess I’ll be letting go of ever seeing auras, knowing the future or dreaming of feathered indian men telling me the wild horses carry a message for me to share with other earthlings…
back to reconsidering my point of living again….
January 7, 2006
2006 is dancing
In the spirit of lilac just before christmas, I bought this silk dress. It is actually mauve, but I still get almost the same vibration from it. Plus the silky, vintage style of it adds a whole ‘nother dimension. Summer arrived in the last two days so now I can wear it every day - but it is currently at the dry cleaner to remove the oil from the Italian bread and the choc bomb spill. I think there is a reason that I’ve never owned a dress this expensive. You have to protect it with an eagle eye and constant mindfulness. Not my two greatest strengths. As dad put it today “You’re an accident waiting to happen”. He doesn’t realise how seriously that is going to be etched into my gravestone. I am a constant accident. But I reason with this as the nature of my spirit - the reason I think in colour, energy and emotion, not in spatial-awareness, measurement and figures.
2006… Like others have been blogging their resolutions, I’m now going to tell you what it is about for me…
Be more natural
Be more organic
Be more loving
Be less judgemental
Be less into quick satisfaction
Be more well read
And overall, what I sense about 2006 -
The word is reward. This year is the one for all of us who have been learning and growing so much in previous years, really struggling to work out who we are, what we want to do with our lives and trying to survive all challenges. 2006 is our reward year. Fruition, leverage, the prizes. It is all within sight now, and I know this isn’t just true for me. The projects are going to succeed, the friendships are going to cement, all of our dreaming is going to find solidity.
Lap it all up. Love Nats x
[current mood] Rocky road & Broken Social Scene
December 31, 2005
The Story of How I Woke Up Yesterday and Decided to "Go Natural" and Today I Have Hair the Colour of a Watermelon
I decided on Friday that I’d had enough of the world of illusion. I’m no longer going to fluff up my self esteem with mascara, hide my fear with blush and build confidence with bleach. Nup, I decided to put all that colouring-in away and go natural.
On a deeper level still, I want to be my rawest self, to not hide behind any facade, and a great way to encourage this process along is to become entirely comfortable in my true appearance.
I am fully aware that I won’t get a second glance in a bar without alluring eyeshadow and ready-for-sex cheeks… but I’ve come to realise, nothing good ever came of that kind of attention anyway. And if that is what social interaction relies on, I’m over it and I’m out to make new friends.
Step one: No make up. Easy enough. Sure, a couple of pimples on show and an uneven colouring in skin, but really, I look okay without the shades.
Step two: Visit the hairdresser….
Now, If I had the choice to never cut my hair again, I would.
But what does a girl do when she is looking at a mop of blonde that is growing out sidewards with roots the colour of the other side of the colour spectrum?
I can’t really just let it grow and grow, I need to take my head to a hairdresser who knows what he is doing and who can take this old me and blend it into the real me. So, although getting your hair cut isn’t really a natural process, at least he can make me look natural - right??
So, my aim? To discover the true shade of my hair. I’m guessing it is a dark blonde/mousey brown, so I pointed to the closest thing on the hair chart. “And chuck in a few darker streaks while you’re at it - i want NATURAL.”
He says… “leave it to me”.
BIG MISTAKE. Why do I not listen to this warning sign?????
I hand over 200 smakaroos, kindly thank the hairdresser, calmly proceed to my car, drive off for a few blocks, then look at myself in the review mirror and start bawling.
Was this a nasty joke? Is natural this hideous? I look like a grey terrior. It’s cut like cutting is going out of fashion AND I feel like he purposely gave me the ugliest shade this side of mouse brown. This is like a grey mouse, not a cute honey brown one.
Plan A: Get rid of product:
I head to the closest house with hot water - my folks, where I wash the mountains of product out of my hair.. note to hairdresser: product is hardly natural (especially the part where you finished it off with a straightener) - I already had straight hair???
Plan B: Acceptance:
I cry and cry til I realise this is so silly to be crying about, so I stand up and look in the mirror, and off I cry again…. I want to accept looking like this, but I feel like someone else did this to me, I wasn’t born this way, so bugger acceptance.
Plan C: Lesson in life
To be so attached to beauty is the lesson my hairdresser wanted to teach me. That if I feel so strongly about how others perceive me then I have to address this self consciousness and look at how I am trapped by the illusion of beauty and fall victim to judging others as I now feel judged by the world. Or maybe the hairdresser is just a bloody *!@)?!….?
Plan D: Cut it myself
I found my mum’s sewing scissors and starting gently chopping into the angular chunky pieces that hang from the left side of my head, I taper these out, yes yes… looking a bit better…
Plan E: Hide
Next day, (this morning), I wear a headband. Yes! I can do this for 6 months.
Plan F: Remove orange
I slap some toner on the electric-carrot coloured roots, to try to at least have it match the rest of my hair.
Plan G: Get rid of grey
I spray on some ‘sun in’ which lighten the areas which appear to be like salt and pepper.
Plan H: Cover with crazyiness
I strategically place some coral pink dye I have at home in streaks on the front to warm up the tone, then put a racing stripe down the back of my hair, just to see what it looks like.
Plan I: Phone a friend
Head to Narelle’s house for an honest opinion and advice. She doesn’t even pretend, just gives me the ‘pity eyes’ and helps me to formulate a plan. She also says she doesn’t like the racing stripe. Drat.
Plan J: Dye it myself
Go to chemist, buy brown dye to cover the lot. Read the West Australian while I wait for my cash out to see the dux of my school (10 year reunion missed a week ago) and how well she is doing in law in Sydney, then turn to page 6 to see another girl from school who has inherited a 45 million dollar fortune and is getting married… receive dye and leave feeling a little bit like a loser.
Plan K: Experiment at the last minute
At Narelle’s I decide to dye my entire hair the coral pink, just to see what it looks like… add a little product just to cope, and decide to stick with what is now officially named ‘watermelon’.
So much for natural…… sigh.
December 18, 2005
returning home from sunday visits
I was a bit surreal today
as I walked down the street
wearing a pink gingham baby doll dress
carrying a metre long palm frond
A half empty bottle of wine
And a tea candle
[current mood] Banana Muffins & White Wine
December 14, 2005
tis the season of lilac
tis the season for lilac, tis the season indeed, just walk around Mount lawley and you’ll see.. you’ll see! It’s everywhere, it’s fallen on our streets and on our homes, purple baby - like you’ve never known beforel!
Like a flower sensing the season, I dyed my hair lilac
Like a blossom, I turned my colour on for the bees.
I’m a bit of nature aren’t i, and so I’m colouring myself to suit the colours of our season.
The colour is lilac, i’m telling ya folks.
get into it! before it chooses to get into you.
ps: more specifically - i’m talking Pantone 2715
[current mood] Sandalwood & Silence
November 26, 2005
What are your favourite colours?
Above is a colour experiment. I thought of my favourite colour, then my next favourite - and so on, until I had exhausted the most exciting colours to me right now. I wanted to see what effect the order of these colours would have.
I’m very curious about why our colour preferences change over time, beyond the fashion influence, and how our relationship with colour tells us much about ourselves. I use my love/hate relationshp with pink as a core example of my transitions through life. It’s been about being more comfortable with being feminine, acknowledging my true self and expressing a confidence. And other colours I think become likeable because of popular culture and have little to do with self.
Relating to the above experiment - I’m curious about design methods that use ‘chance’ and the sub conscious to generate ideas. To choose a colour scheme for example, without really consciously thinking about the relationship of each colour and getting the left brain all involved, instead this technique allowed me to just feel for my favourite colour in that moment, and then look at the result afterwards. And I like it, do you?
Want to try your own and email it to me and I’ll paste it up.
nat at seedpod . com . au
November 20, 2005
Art In My City
ok, i had a slight relapse into getting too personal, too out of the boundaries of ‘natalija creates’. I’m gonna refrain from discussing love & coffee & love of coffee. I really want to use this space to explore and share my design and photography work, creativity in many forms and my inspirations (although the former contributes).
So if you are reading out there, I hope you understand that a journal winds and needs to be watched as it, too, is being watched.
This is a concept for promoting the City of Perth’s, Art In The City installation project. It’s such a cool thing for the city to do considering we have such an uptight old man approach to real live art on this side of Australia. I might be talking about those that control the city, they are attached to a clean, quiet city for retired engineers resulting in the too appropriate label Dullsville.
Well, we desperately need more spaces that encourage the fastly departing creative milleu, leaving us with a lack of interesting twenty-somethings. Three by Three is a welcome space for artists and the public alike!
This project calls for artists to imagine Forest Place as an art space for a day. It runs over 3 days with 3 different artists. It has been going for about 2 or 3 years I believe.
Past artists tended to explore political messages like ‘children overboard’ and ‘no war’ as well as some very quirky interactive things like a massive twister game.
When looking at photo documentation of these interactive installations it dawned on me how much more likely the kids are to get involved, they will go up and roll things around - where as the adults sit back, scratch their chins and intellectualise. That’s fine for the art on the gallery wall, but so much can be learned by experiencing, not just through analysis.
This is one of the things we forget as adults as we start to become more and more self conscious, too cool and anxious.
This is the kind of art I live for - it’s exciting!
November 19, 2005
What does love look like?
November 17, 2005
every day I wake up with an excitement that I can’t initially put my finger on… then it slowly surfaces.. another day! another coffee! Yes, at some point soon I’m going to experience that ‘first cup of coffee’ feeling. This burst of glee through my body is swiftly followed by the desire to tell people I love them.
Now why do you think that is?
November 16, 2005
I'm in love....
Having only recently discovered the delicacy of a good musket dessert wine (previously considered too sickly..) well it has been like rediscovering oysters and blue cheese! Bringing a new obsession into my life!
Drinking musket is one divine experience, but last night I experienced drinking pink musket, and with my love of pink fully realised in liquid form, the senses were consumed! The addition of a free bottle being served to us by a Canadian bar fly also heightened the experience.. Free Pink Musket.. does it get any better?
Add 7 friends to share it with at your local Must Wine bar on a Tuesday night.
Plus ask if they’ll throw in a free cake. and they do!
I am now in love, with a pink sticky liquid with a gorgeous foiled logo - none other than Stella Bella pink musket
Heaven… I’m in heaven… (Frank Sinatra)
November 15, 2005
awake IS the new sleep?
I was driving along having my usual sense of awakeness in a world that seems mostly asleep, feeling like a part of my brain wasn’t fixed solidly and managed to slip through the streamlining of human nature, resulting in an unusual awareness of life, yet without the tools to cope with the awareness. The doctors know that they can give you Fluoxetine to fill that missing link so that you short circuit to just seeing beauty, but instead I see something kind of scary and I’m not sure I’m suppose to block it and along with it block my creativity? My drive, my essense? Anyway, that is another discussion. Beyond anything else, this awakeness sometimes feels so lonely. Is it just me with this awakeness? Me, driving down this street while he mows and she walks the dog, are you both asleep?
But then I think of my close friends, yep, they too are awake ones, and then I remember how I read books sometimes and feel so connected with the author’s perceptions and realise that so too do thousands of other readers, then there are songs which do the same things, and movies, like I love huckerbees which bring off centre thoughts into the mainstream and seem accepted…
So I’m not alone? I’m not really specially connected to a slimstream of awareness. But the one thing I can’t get and want explained… is…
Image above is from a photoshoot that I did today for an album called ‘Blue Bed’ by Leanne Glover.
November 10, 2005
Lose your key
call your friends
dance down the street
pick flowers for a friend who will rescue you
tell two perfect strangers they walk the same way
drop on your knees to deliver a rose to someone in white
take your pink key for a dance up the street around sprinklers
smile at a girl who smiles back
and prance to the door you can unlock
now that you have found the key!
And no, it wasn’t where you expected, instead, you found it on the way.
If I don’t believe in coincidences, then life just got a little bit interesting!
good music is...
The best kind of music is that which doesn’t ‘take’ instantly, instead it’s a grower - taking time and close attention to fully appreciate. This time gives you the space to discover the music’s depths, the qualities… and just when you think you understand it, you discover more.
The opposite kind of music might be well packaged and has a widely appreciated instant appeal, but very quickly tires and irritates as it doesn’t reach your soul.
Now just replace the word music with the word man/woman… and you’ll see my point.
October 25, 2005
I am so addicted to coffee that I try to trick myself by having green tea in the morning, because I know that a coffee will tip me over the caffinated edge, but.. for some reason, even knowing the depths of hell that I will go to doesn’t stop me.. not the memories and mantras of the previous evening will stop me… not the realisation that I can’t stop myself will stop me…
AND there I am, handing over $4 to Globe Cafe for the brew that calls me to take it away into my stomach. Even at the counter I have the little voice telling me to turn away, to stop the purchase in its tracks… but no… I swap the coins for the coffee.
I really thought I didn’t have an addictive personality, and yet, this one little product of the world has got me by my piggytails. So, unlike smoking, it doesn’t give you cancer? But it does make you a bit of shit sometimes to people.. maybe they should start some campaigns and develop patches to help people like me.
October 24, 2005
Is there anything better than Swiss Bittersweet Chocolate on a drizzly afternoon watching wheels splash through puddles and little drops fall from the awning. I keep noticing that I think I’m on holidays. I love it.
A Perfect Sunday
Ok, so I’m struggling with this 1% blogger thing. I’m just not a weekend blogger. I’m busy living it!
This weekend was by far the best one I’ve had in months. Sunday was the cream on the cake:
Bike ride to a friends house, garden with 4 lovely ladies, eat scones straight out of the oven with jam and cream, drive to the hills and help sew dolls for African children, string them to silver streamers hanging from trees, then head into Northbridge for the festival, lie on grass with ten friends, licking chilli chocolate icecream and laughing at comedy, sun on your skin and grins on your faces. Then take them all to your parents house and cook up a Sunday roast!
October 18, 2005
I was told my birth number last night is 8.
2 + 6 + 2 + 1 + 9 + 7 + 8 = 35
3 + 5 = 8
8 stands for Abudance and Power
Which can be good if you work with it, nasty if you don’t. So, I’m going to keep up my mentality of abundance and let go of the need for security in life. If it’s in my numbers… gotta give it a go.
This lead me to think about how for years I have been going to free movie previews by association - yet I have reviewed not one movie. It is like the movies find me. An abudance of free movies!
Ahh just one of the signs of my abundance!
And just then the MAN from Luna Cinemas walked into our office and offered all of us to be on ‘the list’. Now it seems the number’s power is coming to me direct!
September 22, 2005
Taking advantage of no wrinkles
I finally reached 27, a few months ago.
And people began to think I looked my age.
They would guess fairly accurately that I was indeed 27.
Then something changed.
I’m not clear what…
but today I got asked if I was off to school by the lady at the deli.
In the past I would have been upset, frustrated and so forth,
but now I see it has an advantage!
Just when I thought my career can’t rely on being a ‘bright young thing’ to quote a magazine,
now I can seek new careers and avenues because I’m ‘still young’!
School girl runs own company and photographs Baby John Burgess…
Now I get to re-do my early twenties again!
September 16, 2005
Seeing when thinking
People should tell each other what they visualise when they think of them.
My friend Inari spontaneously wrote this to me:
When I think of you I always see light green, turquoise and diamonds/water. I wonder what it means.
Me: I feel like I am reflections at the moment. And today I am wearing a turqoise jumper. :)
When I think of her I see: shiny black and ruby with silver feathers and light blue water.
August 31, 2005
conscious and subconscious creativity
Maybe creativity isn’t purely about getting into a space of certain formula. Maybe it is more like a meditation, that if you sit there long enough and quietly enough, that the answers come to you. My illustrator friend Inari feels that creativity comes through her from an external being. I wonder if that external being is just a deep part of self that needs to be reached.
Hence the expression ‘creative block’. You are blocking that voice.
Inari feels that she needs 90 minutes to get to her most creative place and I guess ‘hear the voice’.
I put this into practice. Normally I procrastinate and avoid ‘doing’ the creative work - telling myself it is simmering in the back of my mind and then with a matter of minutes to go, I pull something out. It seems for months now that my work has lacked what I consider ‘creative genius’ and I haven’t put the true hours needed into it. So, I tried. I went to a cafe, ordered poached eggs and sat with my pen and sketch book. And slowly, as usual, some ideas came. However when I felt like I didn’t have anymore, I waited longer. I just sat with it and sure enough… more came… more clever things…. and so on… and 90 minutes later, I had a sketch book full of concepts and a greater confidence than I’ve felt in ages.
So what is this?
Is it about making the time to tap into your potential? Or being tuned into the answers arriving from elsewhere?
And another thing, relating to my picture..
You know when you are on the phone and doodling away on paper and not thinking about what your doing? And then after the conversation you look at the marks and think they are suprisingly wonderful? I think it’s because you didn’t consciously set about doing anything in particular and so while you are concentrating on conversation, you hand is expressing the subconscious. If you then ‘try’ it doesn’t seem to have the same magic. I’ve been trying to do this, attempting to draw with my sub conscious. It’s really hard. But I started in PNG by doing ‘patterns’. Just little random shapes, drawing lines with no ‘plan’ and no purpose… and some really interesting things happened…
I think a part of it is liking it because you don’t feel like you did it.. so it seems fresh and different. But tapping into this ‘other’ takes practice.
August 23, 2005
Creativity is a chemical reaction that occurs in your brain.
It requires specific elements to be generated.
My particular equation is:
S+L+C+N-St = CM
Sunshine + Loneliness + Coffee + Nature - Stress = Creativity Maximus
What is your formula?
August 9, 2005
Life just threw up on me!
July 18, 2005
Design by committee
This is such a common experience for designers, where multiple stakeholders are making design choices which you as the designer are encouraged to implement. They begin to forget you are the one with the expertise and the vision and instead you become the person to satisfy all tastes…
eg: Person A and B love the blue in logo 1, but C hates it, so we have to lose it to make sure everyones happy. They all think yellow is OK, so we go with that. Then someone suggests brown is good and due to their position in the committee, everyone nods. So now we have yellow and brown, then there is the design itself, 4 people want design 1 and 2 people want design 2, so design 1 wins. Then we add the brown and yellow to it and have the final logo.
Design by committee, completely pointless, completely subjective and completely depressing when looking at the final mishmash of a design.
The designer needs the skill to convince the committee from the outset that they will be consulted with for their perceptions of the company but should trust the designer’s recommendations based on this research and their years of expertise. I’d like tips on how this idea of “designer as expert” can be sold. Anyone?
July 13, 2005
In a PNG nutshell
Things that started out as sweet or interesting and now grate:
The sound of the brothers in the room next door reading prayers and singing hymns every evening between 5.45-6.15, promptly followed by frail old Brother Hugo going downstairs in the room directly below me and attempting to play the same sad and flat “tune” on his trumpet, I’m yet to pick a / the melody.
Being woken at 5am every morning to the tireless screeches of hundreds of bats and birds in the massive tree outside my window.
…. and now to the things that are still fresh and beautiful:
Eating a cream bun at the bakery that I saw locals eating and just wanted to try, it was a huge bright mustard coloured bun with the fakest cream you ever saw and sprinkled with coconut, it was an evil sin in the midday heat but I loved it!
Going to the markets and being able to buy a pile of 10 sweet potatoes for 50 cents.
Trying a Galip nut which grows in the wild, which you peel the thin brown layer off and it sort of looks like cabbage all compressed together and tastes a bit like flower petals (they once were) but then turns into a macadamia kind of taste. mmmm!
Going to eat lunch at the fish markets. Women sit at tiny tables along the riverside with freshly cooked fish and sweet potato, coconut rice and more. Behind them other women are in boats fishing. It all seems so right! & I got a large piece of mackerel for 1 buck!
Having six women staff eager to learn graphic design while I’m here. It’s going to be a crash course over the next 4 weeks. I think I’ll be writing a book on that one, considering that I’m going to have to write it! I think it will be called “Understand good design in 3 hours”.
Sitting in water on the edge of an island being fed coconut and cooked bananas.
June 29, 2005
In PNG expect...
They told me that PNG was the land of the unexpected…
What they didn’t tell me to expect:
People with very soft hand shakes that barely brush against your skin.
Red tongues, red gums and red splatters everywhere from the Bedelnut.
Bugs bugs bugs, little ants on the bed, spiders in the office, strange insects that should be animated and put into kids cartoons!
Great coffee, but no plungers.
No clock tells the same time. Be it 5 minutes out or 5 hours out.
May 18, 2005
Things I found out today:
The paper used for fast food such as in McDonalds is made of chemicals that when heated (with hot food) create toxic chemistry. When you eat your chippies and chicken out of the box, this stuff will be in your food. This paper is worse than plastic.
Tampons in Australia have all been tested and it was found that they contain extremely high levels of pesticides and chemicals that are used on cotton plants. The chemicals used in this agriculture has increased heavily over the years to combat pests, yet the bleaching of tampons has remained the same. There is a link between this and the 1000% increase in cervical cancer and toxic shock syndrome.
The making of paper creates a waste product of the equivalent of ‘agent orange’. This is flushed daily into our waterways.
Seek to find out what is really going on people!!
May 12, 2005
excited from the inside out
Ok! I can’t hold back any longer. I am VERY VERY VERY excited about going to PNG. It uses up all my energy not to flutter and yelp around the room chanting “I’m going to Madang for 6 weeks, wahey!!”.
I’m reading Jeremy’s blog which is all about his life in PNG as a volunteer. This entry is specifically on Madang. Get ready to get jealous.
But it isn’t actually 100% confirmed yet. I still need the big thumbs up from the Brother Bugg at Divine Word University.
I’m stopping myself therefore from doing too much research, from looking up too many pretty pictures, from talking to all the volunteers I’ve been put in contact with, just in case…. just in case…
- - -
Tonight Papercut went to the Propel Bowl fundraiser for Propelarts (one of our favouritest clients). A hoot! We had all of the employers and employees there. A momentus occassion to realise you truly are a real company, professional like, with staff, in fact, 7 of you! This wakes me up to this crazy thing we have created - making me feel all gooey and proud. (And the employees whipped the bosses collective asses at lawn bowling. So now they have to be our bosses for a week… (!!)
May 10, 2005
I have a mild crush on Cate Blanchett so I was quietly thrilled when I got home last night and she was on Denton’s ‘Enough Rope’.
I ‘experienced’ Cate when strolling down a street in Surrey Hills a couple years ago. The first thing I saw was a white glow eminating from this woman. It was as though the sun was shining only on her. It took me a little while to realise it was Cate. She was with her husband and baby in a pram. Cate was just smiling and glowing!
So, that has kind of effected my interest in her. I already felt she was such a remarkable beauty but this added a lot of magic to her being.
On Enough Rope she didn’t come across so great, admittedly Denton was asking her quite unanswerable questions - like, do you think your beautiful? (In other words). So she kind of stumbled through it and came across as a mix of superficial, uncomfortable but however life-aware. I love that she mentioned being comfortable with death. It is something she had to pre-empt with ‘this sounds morbid..’ due to general mainstream reaction to the discussion of death. But Denton encourged it. I wonder how much she holds back on the depth of her awareness of life for the sake of a television audience. You can hardly get details in an interview and you need - as a famous person I guess - to hold a strong ground and avoid tabloids. So if you’re going to talk about how you realised at 11 when your father died that life here is all life is and that by spending time with elders, you learnt to appreciate the journey of life and to accept death - and die gracefully… best to do so superficially?
ahh crap. I’ve never written about celebrities, but it all had me thinking. And last night it occured to me that maybe I saw her aura that day in surrey hills. A strong white light - what else could it have been?
May 3, 2005
little friend on a journey
Driving through a wet and windy sunset, I stare through a raindropped screen of glass
at traffic lights in the distance. Still green.
In my peripheral vision I see a small dark shape on my windscreen, edging its way upwards.
Looking at it, it appears to be crawling, jutting itself to the safety of the edge of the black rim.
Then I notice that it is just but a bit of leaf. The top part, the bit that would be the tip. Somehow broken from its body, it had landed on my car.
It is not a crawling creature, it is just the wind that is nudging it.
If I drive faster, will it speed up?
It doesn’t. It keeps its pace. Maybe it is not being moved by the wind.
I start imagining it again, as I did before, as a living creature. A ‘leaf tip bug’. It has its own personality, its own brain. It is heading for safety. Something to get a grip on.
As I pull to a stop at the traffic lights, the leaf tip stops.
And immediately drops to the ground.
It’s just me and the grey sky again.
April 28, 2005
bye bye bonnie
Life has felt so tumultuous over the past few days. I’ve never felt so stressed, so close to freezing in time, unable to move, to continue on this path. With all these varying job-based stresses going on as well as my own personal existential crisis of the week, it all seemed to come to a timely head when the family dog died. That was when the cracks just split open and we all fell through, just managing to cling to the edges.
Little bonnie and her black wavey locks, jumping about the house on Tuesday, welcoming people, running up to lick you and running away again to scout around the yard.. is on Wednesday in awful pain, panting violently, on morphine and can not lift her broken neck. We have to put her out of her misery. We have to end her life.
It is not something I have really empathised with - the death of a pet sounds sad but not tragic, not depressing, certainly nothing to cry and cry over? That was how I have this far felt about it, but experiencing it has given me such an awareness that when I speak of it, I feel like I do communicate it…
The family dog represents so much. It’s my childhood, it IS my family. The dog scampering around our feet over the past 15 years, is one of us. We associate her with us. We loved her more than we realised. And not only is there now a disturbing absence of a black creature moving around my parent’s house, a part of our family is gone.
But what made me cry like I haven’t cried in the longest time? I watched this beautiful, innocent creature in torturous pain. I looked into her vacant stare to give her my love as she held on with every short breathe. I stroked her ears and her nose to say goodbye, even though she couldn’t lift her head to say goodbye to me.
Bonnie didn’t leave as a dog, she left as a pained, paniced, frozen creature. No soft exit. And my god this is a wake up to the many deaths before me - the many people that will leave us in an unpleasant way. They don’t just drift off, they so often leave crying and tortured.. and there is no guarantee that it won’t happen tomorrow.
April 25, 2005
oil > love
How much petrol can you use in the name of love? I’ve already driven up to the millhouse cottage in the Swan Valley once since Andrew has been on his writing retreat there. He wants me to come up again! And I’m tempted - all for a cuddle… oh geez, how am I suppose to go overseas for 6 weeks, if we can’t last 2 days without each other?
If I didn’t care about pollution then I might consider it, despite the time. But the more the oil situation is sinking into my blood, the more my blood boils.
I am so disillusioned about the powers that be — popping out new oil guzzling cars from the factory lines as we speak, who are killing inventors of clean-energy machines — Oh yes, they are, they are those who are putting up nice green flowery logos on the front of such dark dirty activities.
After to talking with Jo Vallentine about the book ‘Power Down’ and the reality of the up and coming ‘dark ages’, I feel an urgency to share the visions I have of our future. Sitting around candle lit tables, reading out of dusty books, nibbling on raw vegetables from the backyard. Goodbye everything oil was once made of, goodbye electricity… hello community!
This is the future that will be in our lifetimes, so prepare yourself now.
April 16, 2005
It’s been weeks since I’ve visited my folks, and when I called tonight they were looking forward to cooking some chops and watching the final episode of Starstruck… so I thought, what an ideal night to pay them a visit.
As I sat down with mum and dad, plate of food in hand, as the beginning of the show was ringing out its theme tune… I was struck (err) by the question “What would you do if you didn’t have television”. I looked into their distracted, lit up faces and asked.
Dad, what would you do?
Mum? and you?
ah, ok, so you would expand your intelligence with word games, actually interact with each other and not watch advertisements. Interesting.
But then I wondered if crosswords and scrabble are really that much better. Being literary is pretty high on my desirables list, however so is cultural awareness and an ability to make small talk at parties - and often television does come up!… so in terms of the word game / tv comparison - is one better than the other? Both are fairly solitary, indoor activities. Neither are particularly creative or fufilling.
I do think television does make you more depressed and attempts to fill the void of loneliness and lack of meaning in our existances, oh did I get sidetracked? yeh well, if you haven’t already removed your television from your house or pulled the plug - or as I did, have it suddenly broken,… then try it. What do you do instead? Do you notice the withdrawal symptoms? If you do, then there might be something that needs to be addressed…
April 3, 2005
Banana l'orange syrup cake
I’m so far removed from the industrial revolution of kitchen appliances and Stepford Wives in clean frilly aprons making delightful cakes for their families. But I still, unlike my partner, get a huge thrill out of baking. The process of gathering the specific ingredients, the combining, beating, folding and measuring of them. And ultimately, the satisfaction of removing from the oven, a perfect, warm, aromatic cake that I can feed to my lover and my friends.
Baking goes as far back as flour right?
And yet, to make the best cakes one often has to ‘beat’. To do this, one requires a good quality beater and a sturdy bowl. So, how did women of the 20s get their egg whites into firm peaks? It simply isn’t possible. I can understand how the introduction of silver and bakelite appliances must have been a revolution to them! I have experienced the pain of beating and beating 3 egg whites with a fork and getting no where. So, being able to set the beater to ‘10’ and let it spin and whip those eggs from white liquid into a thick foam without so much as a muscle on my behalf, seems like pure bliss. Baking is now accessible to everybody who can afford the equipment.
I read up on this, to check my random 1920 date of the introduction of beaters.. well, they did have hand beaters and other more prehistoric metal contraptions, so it wasn’t entirely impossible… BUT before they had this, they had servants. Yep, so the introduction of appliances was for the middle class who could no longer afford a black woman to mix their cookie dough, and they had to get to it themselves. hmmmm. And so the housewife was born!
March 21, 2005
Two things always happen at once. If you get offered a job, suddenly another one is thrown at you. If you meet a great guy, another one starts ringing you out of the blue. I know this all from so much experience! So then you have to make this big decision. Something simple now has this big tough choice in it. Is the universe conspiring to challenge as soon as you reach for something? The tests come thick and fast in these moments of choice…
“Oh, you wanna work there do ya? Well, let’s see if you really want it, let’s offer you this job as well… make you squirm, make sure you want it bad enough, or whether in fact you were about to make a terrible terrible mistake!”
Ahh, the theories, who knows.. but the other one I have heard is that whatever choice you make is the right one, because that is your journey, your fate, what you were suppose to do… so i guess with that, throw caution to the wind and just choose!
You can’t fight the universe, if you win, you lose
Another thing I’m thinking about is how also… all bad things happen at once. I think I can channel the bad things, or the good things. If you focus too hard, then through the universe shaped tunnel, everything negative will come soaring at you. If you don’t fix your focus up quick smart, before you know it, everyone is leaving you, people are dieing, your business is breaking up, you have to move..
It’s a dangerous place. Allowing your mind to make life change for good or bad.
March 17, 2005
My branding in my face
It feels really weird having your artwork so on display in your local community and your social environment. RTR is a really striking example of this. I drive past everyday. I gaze up at it every time. I look at it as I wait at the checkout in the supermarket. I see it out of the corner of my eye while I drink beer at the Scotsman and I am faced with it when I get cash out of my account.
This is a view from where I park my car.
March 15, 2005
Those I love
5 beautiful, gorgeous, open hearted women, sitting around a rug in my dining room, eating chilli mussels and drinking green tea.
This is the kind of life I wanted to live.
We share our stories, we reveal our pains. No judgements, just nurturing. It is a sacred space that we have created together.
March 14, 2005
Flight or Fight?
Option 1 Flight:
I almost ran right out the sidedoor, throwing my speech at the arts officer and tearing down View Street to get as far away as possible from the site of 43 children singing and waving coloured flags in the air. I tried concentrating on their innocent faces but it would not distract me from my upcoming speech. I couldn’t stop my nerves from taking over my whole body, from my numb toes, to my shaking fingertips….
Option 2 Fight!
Yes, I’ll fight it! AND I rode through it… as I’m well equipped to do these days, mentally regulating my actions, using multiple techniques to calm my mind (or distract it) and to do whatever it takes to get myself in front of the mic.
So, it’s done. of course it was fine… at least I fooled them into thinking it was… but really my mouth was bone dry, my fingers fondelling the chord of the mic far too much and I used the word ‘ultimately’ three times. But no one laughed at me. I actually don’t think they noticed… What a relief to be on the other side of that!
March 13, 2005
It is sad when a creative connection goes dry. When walls and attitudes stop the flow because inspiration needs love.
March 11, 2005
renounce one thing
I’m going to pick one small thing, one achievable thing, to renounce. By being able to renounce it I will create a small but sure sense of success. A happiness at my strength and the will to try again. The tip is, do not start with coffee. So from now, I renounce, the taking of things not given. This includes: The reading of things, the listening in, the watching of, the taking without asking. I will no longer take. I will only receive.
I thought that it would also be a lovely idea to give myself one gift. To take with me from this day. My gift is gentleness. A gentless with myself over being a slow learner. I will no longer get frustrated at myself over not being able to ride a motorbike after my second lesson, at not being able to meditate quietly, at not remembering what is what is CSS. It takes time for me. I give myself gentle patienceness and allow it to take however long it takes.
March 10, 2005
silly things that come out of my mouth...
I love to conclude comments with the saying “that’s the story of my life”. So potential tomb stones:
“Natalija Brunovs - a slightly wrong template.”
“Natalija Brunovs - too many coloured pencils.”
March 9, 2005
kiss me christ
"Dostoyevsky's imaginary Christ simply listens patiently and responds with a loving kiss."
If God does not exist, then "everything is permitted." Yet guilt is a human's natural instinct. Where does this guilt come from? Purely socially effected? Or in our biological nature? or is it a unconscious connection to a moral god?
When was the first time we felt guilty? Was it at age 4 when we broke mum's vase? Where did the guilt come from? Or was it placed on us and eventually we grew into that feeling?
Dogs can feel guilty, but that is a human's influence "bad dog, bad dog". Is it guilt that the dog is feeling? Or shame? That is similar. Perhaps it is just feeling a sadness.
When a tiger slaughters a deer, does it ever feel guilty? Does it even reflect? I don't think so. When a human slaughters another, the one that doesn't feel guilty is mentally insane.
Is insanity just being out of touch with one's natural feelings?
February 22, 2005
Women who run with the wolves
It seems like a rarity these days that I find myself grinning when not in a drunken stupor or packed full of caffeine. It is a remarkably beautiful thing to just naturally find yourself truly happy about a situation and a situation that isn’t entirely about YOU.
Tonight I was, what I described in two words, (an emotion and a colour), dreamy & orange. 5 women sat in a circle and read aloud the story of Bluebeard. It was our introduction to ‘Women who run with the wolves’. I can feel something beautiful in the reading of a tale, the passing of a big book and the contemplation of a thread. I could not stop smiling at my wonderful friends.
The group is really coming together. It is a place where we explore, trust, share, care and listen. It’s a seed that just keeps being watered. It’s poking its little shoot out now and saying “I can feel the sunshine! yipee!”
February 16, 2005
kill yourself over typography?
I just had a wake up call… I almost slammed right into the back of a car, but luckily thanks to my sister’s volvo’s brakes, left one centimetre to spare! and why? Because I took a second glance at some typography on a sign and was wondering if I could identify the font. Oh for fucks sake, its not like it was a cute guy or anything. That I can understand, but gazing off whilst doing 70ks on the highway, silly silly…
I was on my way to visit my folks.. aka: The Lame, Blind and Deaf institute. My dad has a broken foot, my mum just had an eye operation.. and the dog’s been deaf for years. ugh! So they got to eat Flip’s left over curry! hah. Thanks for saving my late ass flip, they aint none the wiser.
February 14, 2005
guilty dreams have got no rhythm
Should I feel guilty about my dreams? They say if you dream about kissing your brother, it just means you ‘feel really close to him’. They are symbolic.
But this one, is too wrapped up in the truth of my thoughts. The thoughts that keep growing and melding into one big mind taking-over thought. But thoughts can be pushed aside, forced to leave the mind. A dream though, it has no control, it goes where you won’t let yourself go. It experiences every possibility.
I had to sleep beyond it just to release it from my heart when I awoke. It was too present in the room. It has now taken over my usual senses, leaving me swimming in its lust. And I liked it. I loved it.
February 12, 2005
A year is a wonderful thing. It is how we have moved on. We can end one year and start another. A new slate, a clean canvas. We are not in the middle of our consequences, deep into the action, with the days churning.
Now we can revisualise, start fresh. Already the past year’s angst has been forgotten, put to rest in its history bed. We can change! We have this new year!
Without the end of last year and the beginning of this one, I would not be having such hope for the future of my company and our relationships. It would have just continued on in a relatively unchanging way.
Now that things are in the compartment of last year, we can move on to a better place together, you and I.
February 10, 2005
My irreplaceable partner in creation, Patrick Pittman, just set this up for me. He has provided an opening for my art, an opening for you to attend, an opening of me.
So, welcome. Please grab yourself a glass of wine from the cask.