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February 25, 2009

Up In Lights


Finally the most significant day of the year has been recognised.

This and the Facebook events calendar should see me through...

[current mood] Organic Red Wine & New Email Beep

Posted by natalija at 8:11 PM | Comments (2)

February 24, 2009

I'm a little gassy


Contemplating my highly reactive state I thought that perhaps I could be likened to a highly reactive element, like Francium or Cesium. I've previously described myself as porous, like one of those house sponges that just drinks up whatever it lays in. That's fairly accurate. But now I'm liking the picture of me as a gas. Little molecules floating around in a pink haze - pretty vibey, pretty fast moving... but at high risk of contamination.
Sometimes a good result, sometimes a bad one, but always REACTIVE.

Here are some chemical equations I have worked out.


I am (in my Eckhart Tollesque way) working on not reacting. I am working my way back up the chart, and over to the right. I'd feel pretty comfortable if I settled on Carbon. Plain old simple, low reaction Carbon.

Eventually I might become a diamond.

[current mood] Beach Runs & Death Cab

Posted by natalija at 4:43 PM | Comments (0)

February 21, 2009

Sticky Dreams

A film I made for Tropfest (and didn't get in) is being filmed this Sunday night at the pre-Tropfest "Best of The West" at FTI in Fremantle.
This will be my first screening - the beginning of many more I hope!

But it is scary too.... so I think I'll hide up the back and gauge the audience reaction before doing any further promotion. Stay tuned (or turn up!)

Starring Damon Lockwood and Terry Hackett. It's a satirical film about Derwent, his mother and their sticky dreams.




[current mood] Israeli Couscous & Ladyhawke

Posted by natalija at 6:37 PM | Comments (0)

February 18, 2009

Just a little beauty


They call it the magic hour
Just before sunset when the light turns
and the flowers vibrate
And everything is settling in for the night

[current mood] Peppermint Tea & Dusty Springfield's Spooky

Posted by natalija at 8:10 PM | Comments (0)

February 17, 2009

Herbal product shop denies herbs doing things

I walked passed "The Well Within" in Cottesloe for the first time and saw what looked like an old Parisian Apothecary. Little jars and labels and oils.
Ooh! This might be the shop that will have something that I need...

Conversation as follows:

"Hi there, I'm just wondering if you have any of those smudge sticks - the kind you burn. Like herbs.."

"No, we don't believe in that."

"Huh. Believe in what?"

"That's spiritual stuff."

"Well, no, it's herbs that you burn."

"But for what purpose?"


"Cleansing what?"

"Energy... in a room...."

"No, we don't believe in that. Just pray to the holy spirit"

"Ok then, bye"

Needless to say I am a little perplexed as I would have thought that a herbal shop would believe in herbal qualities - like purification of air. It's just what 'take' you have on it I suppose. But who would deny that some sage and juniper would freshen up a room, (and yes, killing off old energy left by previous occupants). Just not sure if the holy spirit is going to help me out here...

[current mood] Bananas & Yoga Songs

Posted by natalija at 9:39 AM | Comments (0)

February 14, 2009

Fear of Flying explored

The past 16 months has seen my little body move across the globe as outlined below:

With every flight I think that my fear can't get any worse. I often promise the god of the air that if he just lets me land safe then I'll never step on another plane. I'll boat, I'll bike, I'll bloody walk, just land me this one time.

When I'm up there above the globe, staring at the wings functioning correctly, I reflect on being a child and how much I loved to fly. No knowledge of the mechanics or crashing issues of the world, just the amazingness of being in the air and off to another land. I think it might be that my brain has grown to be filled with facts of human-error, mechanical-failure and basic bad luck.

No matter how many times I count the number of flights taking place per year thinking statistically I'll be fine or that I'm more likely to die from being hit by a coconut, it just does not take away the fact that we are simply TOO HIGH and if something goes wrong there is no out.

It's just not right. Why can't we fly 200 metres up? How can we trust this metal structure with so many miles between us and the earth. Every little bump or shake of the plane sends my gut and mind spiralling into "is that the engine failing?" or "what if something just stops". I start to do little prayers - rekindling my relationship with God. My mind starts to work overtime as I worry my bad thoughts will encourage crashing, so I start trying to generate a positive energy for the plane, thinking I have personal responsibility for the safety of the plane, as if my brain controls what happens next.
I need the movies to distract myself.

Every flight I ask that I just make it home one more time, as i'm not quite ready for dying. I just want to spend a little more time with my partner, or just see my family, or experience this upcoming project.. there is always an excuse.
I never quite reach the point where I accept that it could be the end of me.
So I clench my butt cheeks and harness my brain power to help the plane land safely.

When we get closer to the ground I start to envisage the plane crashing, just to see if I'd make it alive. Nup, too high, not possible, oh hang on, some trees, yes, they could buffer the fall, I constantly visualise the plane crashing and how I would react in group full of strangers, right up until we are metres for the ground and then I totally relax.
Each time I land, a warm glow enters my body, yes, I made it one more time.

After my last flight I declared that I wouldn't fly for a very long time. I can't bear the idea of this fear getting worse.
But then I got an invitation to one of my best friends weddings in Melbourne. And now I'm booked to go through it again.

There's no escape for a modern woman with a fear of flying.

[current mood] Star of Bethlehem Flower Essence & The Phone Ringing

Posted by natalija at 6:59 PM | Comments (3)