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April 28, 2005

bye bye bonnie

Life has felt so tumultuous over the past few days. I’ve never felt so stressed, so close to freezing in time, unable to move, to continue on this path. With all these varying job-based stresses going on as well as my own personal existential crisis of the week, it all seemed to come to a timely head when the family dog died. That was when the cracks just split open and we all fell through, just managing to cling to the edges.

Little bonnie and her black wavey locks, jumping about the house on Tuesday, welcoming people, running up to lick you and running away again to scout around the yard.. is on Wednesday in awful pain, panting violently, on morphine and can not lift her broken neck. We have to put her out of her misery. We have to end her life.

It is not something I have really empathised with - the death of a pet sounds sad but not tragic, not depressing, certainly nothing to cry and cry over? That was how I have this far felt about it, but experiencing it has given me such an awareness that when I speak of it, I feel like I do communicate it…
The family dog represents so much. It’s my childhood, it IS my family. The dog scampering around our feet over the past 15 years, is one of us. We associate her with us. We loved her more than we realised. And not only is there now a disturbing absence of a black creature moving around my parent’s house, a part of our family is gone.
But what made me cry like I haven’t cried in the longest time? I watched this beautiful, innocent creature in torturous pain. I looked into her vacant stare to give her my love as she held on with every short breathe. I stroked her ears and her nose to say goodbye, even though she couldn’t lift her head to say goodbye to me.
Bonnie didn’t leave as a dog, she left as a pained, paniced, frozen creature. No soft exit. And my god this is a wake up to the many deaths before me - the many people that will leave us in an unpleasant way. They don’t just drift off, they so often leave crying and tortured.. and there is no guarantee that it won’t happen tomorrow.

Posted by natalija at 9:35 PM | Comments (3)

April 25, 2005

oil > love

How much petrol can you use in the name of love? I’ve already driven up to the millhouse cottage in the Swan Valley once since Andrew has been on his writing retreat there. He wants me to come up again! And I’m tempted - all for a cuddle… oh geez, how am I suppose to go overseas for 6 weeks, if we can’t last 2 days without each other?

If I didn’t care about pollution then I might consider it, despite the time. But the more the oil situation is sinking into my blood, the more my blood boils.
I am so disillusioned about the powers that be — popping out new oil guzzling cars from the factory lines as we speak, who are killing inventors of clean-energy machines — Oh yes, they are, they are those who are putting up nice green flowery logos on the front of such dark dirty activities.
After to talking with Jo Vallentine about the book ‘Power Down’ and the reality of the up and coming ‘dark ages’, I feel an urgency to share the visions I have of our future. Sitting around candle lit tables, reading out of dusty books, nibbling on raw vegetables from the backyard. Goodbye everything oil was once made of, goodbye electricity… hello community!
This is the future that will be in our lifetimes, so prepare yourself now.

Posted by natalija at 5:56 PM | Comments (0)

April 16, 2005



Jacob’s dad on a recent photoshoot with me. He is a bit of an allsort! And a lovely chap who buys you coffee when you most desire it.

Posted by natalija at 10:27 PM | Comments (0)

no television

It’s been weeks since I’ve visited my folks, and when I called tonight they were looking forward to cooking some chops and watching the final episode of Starstruck… so I thought, what an ideal night to pay them a visit.
As I sat down with mum and dad, plate of food in hand, as the beginning of the show was ringing out its theme tune… I was struck (err) by the question “What would you do if you didn’t have television”. I looked into their distracted, lit up faces and asked.
Dad, what would you do?
Mum? and you?
“Play scrabble”
ah, ok, so you would expand your intelligence with word games, actually interact with each other and not watch advertisements. Interesting.
But then I wondered if crosswords and scrabble are really that much better. Being literary is pretty high on my desirables list, however so is cultural awareness and an ability to make small talk at parties - and often television does come up!… so in terms of the word game / tv comparison - is one better than the other? Both are fairly solitary, indoor activities. Neither are particularly creative or fufilling.

I do think television does make you more depressed and attempts to fill the void of loneliness and lack of meaning in our existances, oh did I get sidetracked? yeh well, if you haven’t already removed your television from your house or pulled the plug - or as I did, have it suddenly broken,… then try it. What do you do instead? Do you notice the withdrawal symptoms? If you do, then there might be something that needs to be addressed…

Posted by natalija at 10:11 PM | Comments (1)

April 12, 2005

Khin's CD Artwork

asleep.jpg The cover photograph for Khin Myint’s new CD - Beautiful Catastrophe. The artwork is made up of all of my latest favourite photographs - pink bulbs on flowers, growing out of cracks, leaves crammed in the corners of roofs and bark shaped like a finch lying next to a paddle pop stick on sand. mmm. all beautiful catastrophes to me.

Khin’s music is raw, personal, a little like Red House Painters, it’s a city dreaming and a boy alone.

I’ll pop up more pics of the final artwork soon.

Posted by natalija at 10:23 PM | Comments (0)

April 3, 2005

Banana l'orange syrup cake

syrupcake.jpg I’m so far removed from the industrial revolution of kitchen appliances and Stepford Wives in clean frilly aprons making delightful cakes for their families. But I still, unlike my partner, get a huge thrill out of baking. The process of gathering the specific ingredients, the combining, beating, folding and measuring of them. And ultimately, the satisfaction of removing from the oven, a perfect, warm, aromatic cake that I can feed to my lover and my friends.

Baking goes as far back as flour right?
And yet, to make the best cakes one often has to ‘beat’. To do this, one requires a good quality beater and a sturdy bowl. So, how did women of the 20s get their egg whites into firm peaks? It simply isn’t possible. I can understand how the introduction of silver and bakelite appliances must have been a revolution to them! I have experienced the pain of beating and beating 3 egg whites with a fork and getting no where. So, being able to set the beater to ‘10’ and let it spin and whip those eggs from white liquid into a thick foam without so much as a muscle on my behalf, seems like pure bliss. Baking is now accessible to everybody who can afford the equipment.
I read up on this, to check my random 1920 date of the introduction of beaters.. well, they did have hand beaters and other more prehistoric metal contraptions, so it wasn’t entirely impossible… BUT before they had this, they had servants. Yep, so the introduction of appliances was for the middle class who could no longer afford a black woman to mix their cookie dough, and they had to get to it themselves. hmmmm. And so the housewife was born!

Posted by natalija at 6:01 PM | Comments (0)