June 29, 2007

The Flat

Here they come, congregating in the dust. Their feet crunch on the mica. As the air darkens it draws them out in twos and in threes. The foil-bright flash of their photographs are so sudden that many of them drop their cameras. They tie their shoelaces, flick their torches, check their zip-locked bags of dried fruit, antiseptic cream, knives and string. A sub-audible hum of object accounting.

From behind the blinds Anna watches them. Notes the men with withering hearts, the teenagers who know their blood sugar numerically. There are some who will be here to find the 'bigger thing', who presume they'll see an omen or a mud-God rise up from their retreating footprints. They are expectant. Latent. She imagines the lacework of their origins. Their empty townhouses and units, security lights on a timer, a neighbour to watch the garden ruin and legal documents in the custody of a relative. Some will not have a home to return to. Kicked out of the family residence or having sold-up before leaving. An illusion of complete mobility.

Anna recalls the words of an American writer looking out over the Mojave desert; There is some sinister hysteria in the air out here tonight. Sinister hysteria. Those words lift like invisible fumes off the crowd, who are now introducing one another. Well wouldn't you know, that's my name too. And my husband here is, The potential for breakdowns and burnouts. All the bright atoms scattered. It's Anna's job to keep them intact, to make sure they don't crack up.

Casey and Mal are moving through the crowd, distributing name tags and bottled water. In Casey's top pocket is a list of phone numbers; the priest, the psychiatrist, an obstetrician, a lawyer and a cop. Her contribution to the object accounting. Sometimes all you need to do is bring out the list and shine a torch on it to make panic evaporate. Anna's known people spun out in the dirt, people chewing their own tongues off who will still react to the words I'm making a call. Normally they want to add their own numbers to the list - an accountant, an auctioneer or a dentist they suddenly must make contact with. Or a teenage lover. Occasionally it's a teenage lover in some seamy Thai bedsit who they once paid to suck their toes.

Dark tours. It was Mal's great business idea when they first moved up to the Golspie peninsula. He had plans to lead chain-gangs of tourists across the flat at nighttime, scaring them with old ghost-stories. Stringing up bed-sheets on the trees to flap in the wind. Anna had a job lined up working in the doctor's rooms, taking blood samples and cutting out moles, visiting the old-peoples' home to fill screw-top containers with bodily fluids. She had been looking forward to this work; where people knew your name and paid you some modicum of respect. In the city it was junkies with veins like over-cooked spaghetti and the riddled cancer biopsies that proved impeding ruin. Here there would be long, warm evenings, chooks clucking over the back fence and the radio playing. A glass of cold wine on the porch. But then the dark tours took off more than either of them had anticipated.

The scarp begins to turn the colour of good marmalade and the sun is low. They gather to be led across the desert in the silty dark. Their feet will crack through the thin crust of the earth, releasing marrowy underground smells. They will believe themselves to be polished up by the sand, worn down by the wind, until their true self emerges.
...

A Trio of Ways to Wake Up [triplicate exercise before a day of thesis writing].

1.
Hannah falls through herself. Jolts, jump-started on the mattress, out of the dream and into the world. Light. Sound. Motion. The floor falls through the roof, the carpet is thick enough to hang from. Her head is where her feet should be. What is this tumble?! These nocturnal kinetics? The morning comes on abrupt and disorientating - like stepping out onto a motionless escalator, suspecting a trompe-l'oeil and a conspiracy against the sense of escalators everywhere. An old Chinese idiom enters her head - I dreamt I was a butterfly, flitting around in the sky: then I awoke. Now I wonder, Am I a man who dreamt of being a butterfly? Or am I a butterfly dreaming that I am now a man? Hannah's dreams are not of butterflies. Thunder telegraphs underground. Her bedroom inhales.

2.
[We Do Not Speak Of These Presences]. Am I awake? Loops of air fall from the ceiling like a rind peeled off by the fan. The climate-control sighs in the ducts. What time is it? What weather? Sirens are bleating in the distance, paramedics putting the day into motion. This is the morning. I scratch at the foil on a single-milk. The kettle exhales. In the canned air of the hotel other people open their single-milks and boil their water. We are prismatic. A power surge ripples through the building. Taps are turned, kettles whistle, our eyebrows drip with steam. We ponder this early choreography, staring at the wallpaper with the tea-bag dripping into the bin-liner. A shiver runs up and down our spines; the body sensing duplication, its complicity with an invisible system of little spoons and ripped sweetener packets. The efficiency kitchen. Leah. I swing around expecting to see her there. Leah laughing from the bed in my memory. 'Will you make me a tiny coffee in that efficiency kitchen?' Her fingers running out the tangles in her hair, telling me about home-economics and watching me slam the drawers. We stayed in a hotel only once. Actually it was a roadhouse. The sheets were sandy and the room smelt of sulfur because of the geothermically heated spa. Her breath on my neck. We slept until lunch, curled into one another like quotation marks, and missed the checkout.

3.
Orson is eight and does not dream about flying. He has seen the old 2D Christmas movie The Snowman where English boys in striped pajamas walk on the air. He has read about levitations and sat through repeats of David Blaine (ellusionist) shows where the stuntman floats two feet up and people's teeth fall out, clattering onto the pavement in astonishment. But Orson never dreams about flying. Instead he dreams that he is underground. He is not in a cave or a mine shaft. It is as if the ground has become liquid and he is swimming or drowning in it. He hovers down through different sediments. Sometimes he is in limestone, which tastes like burnt matches. Sometimes it's red ochre, cooler than the colour. During his deepest sleep he glides through coal and oil with fossils drifting by. In the unstitched space between dreaming and waking he finds a nautilus in the curl of his ear. To stave off these mineral dreams he falls asleep with the phone held against his head, ringing out a dial-tone. Or he leaves the TV on, showing a test-pattern. Objects of static dull his imagination.

May 7, 2007

Words for a coldish early-afternoon.

If you observe a really happy man you will find him building a boat, writing a symphony, educating his son, growing double dahlias in his garden, or looking for dinosaur eggs in the Gobi desert. He will not be searching for happiness as if it were a collar button that has rolled under the radiator. He will not be striving for it as a goal in itself. He will have become aware that he is happy in the course of living life twenty-four crowded hours of the day. - W. Beran Wolfe.

Issue 5 of TNC is up. The IAS is running some really interesting lectures over the next few months, I am looking forward to hearing Ross Gibson speak especially.

May 2, 2007

After listening to Clive Hamilton, And reading George Lakoff, And listening to 'Under the Milky Way' on the way home.

Ominous ponderings re climate change in order of quasi-apocalyptic quality. Most to least. Decided after enough animated argument to make you feel that, like an earthworm, you do in fact have five hearts:
1. If the sea levels rise because the ocean is warmer, the warmer water (which has more volume) will change the weight of the oceans, which will in turn shift the earth, just slightly, on its axis. We will move our planet's position in the solar system. Just slightly. The milky way will not be where it is now. It will slip. The sea level will actually drop at Cape Horn and along the coast of Iceland. We are messing with COSMOLOGY.
2. The number of states in the Commonwealth will decline within the next decade because a few members will sink. Kiribati and Tuvalu will most probably be the first. Already storm surges and salt water incursion threatens their houses and plots. Will we take them in when they're up to their ankles? A whole city of environmental refugees, their feet wrinkly from being too long in the water, smelling of kelp and hungry. The 'illegal non-citizens' we interned there will probably come back to us as weather-evacuees.
3. We should be worried about termites. One termite mound can give off as much as five liters of methane a minute. And some scientists estimate there is a half-a-ton of termites for every man, woman and child on the earth. And once we commence any deforestation termites move in to finish off the mulch, so we take away the trees ability to absorb CO2 and then replace them with big methane emitters. Also, there are problems with rice paddies and methane. And then obviously there's cows with the methane. Ergo vegetarians who also don't eat rice and go around kicking termite mounds are the best environmentalists.

More seriously, this is what I would point out to my representatives:

Continue reading "After listening to Clive Hamilton, And reading George Lakoff, And listening to 'Under the Milky Way' on the way home." »

April 27, 2007

Status of My Life Address, 27 April 2007

In the oeuvre of Mr. C. Stokes.
I did actually write this on my birthday last Friday, but internet hiccups have postponed its posting.

A. Today marks my 25th birthday, which means a) I am no longer eligible for monies normally reserved for 'Young People and The Arts' unless I forge my birth certificate b) If I was in certain parts of India, I would able to walk into a bar and order my first drink c) I can get a rental car and drive it for less d) If I was a document classified under US law, today I would be being declassified.

B. I am currently living in a yellow house with three special housemates and one canary; Sarah, Dan and Marty, and Roscoe. I have the second room back from the front door, on the right hand side of the hall. My room was initially the one that no one wanted because it only has no window, only a skylight. The natural light doesn't bother me though, I like to wake slowly with the morning. It's only an inconvenience is when there is a full moon. It is a large room and I sleep with the door open a bit. It is a pale green colour. On the walls I have one large print given to me for my twentieth birthday of Georgia O'Keefe's Poppy 1927, and a pin-up board which is covered with images by William Lesch, Brett Whitely, Wim Delvoye and photos from my sister's time in Yuendumu. The purpose of this board is to get me thinking about my thesis in a visual way when I get up in the morning. It also includes one quote by Hume paraphrasing Epicurus which goes "Is he [God] willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is impotent. Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent. Is he both able and willing? Whence then is evil?" and, in a round about way, is also related to my thesis and is something I wrote down on a scrap of paper in the dawn hours of Sept 12 2001. My bedspread is a brilliant orange colour with a repeating chrysanthemum print, and would look a little 70s-rural-hotel-deluxe if it didn't have an equally brilliant set of bright white sheets to go with it. My house is on a street surrounding a park in Perth-the-suburb on the small shoulder of Western Australia. A very urbane part of town.

Continue reading "Status of My Life Address, 27 April 2007" »

April 16, 2007

Green Title

The house made of paint
gazes through eyeless sockets,
clenches its plywood mouth
until thwuck with force
air retracts long vines
slams interior doors like
an animated Munch painting.
It tastes to breathe.

There are saplings, anemic
and sinuous in the drains
hair sweat-damp, you find
nasturtiums to be detangled
and combed through.
A cold cup of tea sprouts
broad-beans overnight.

Flakes of white lead-ish
husk, smashed eggshell motes
drift and settle on the bedsheets
when cars thrum past with their
superb chest-infections.
You wake heritage-crumbed
pith in your eyelashes.

The house made of paint
has tremulous stomach walls
that heave like a plaster ungulate.
You feel yourself a digest
an owl-pellet of hair
and tendons on the rug.
You are a good fuel for
...............fire-starting.

March 20, 2007

There's No Such Place

I live inside a museum of love. The dust that had settled in rings, demarking absent objects, has now been swept away. I cannot find his socks gathering fuzz under the bed. There are no pepper-hairs in the basin from a morning shave. No grease stains on the drive from the car. And worse, now all of these things have lost their conspicuous presence by their nonexistence, because there has been cleaning done. Like a wave washing through the house, air, light, songs and detergent in the daylight.

Only at night. Now. Does it becomes apparent that this house is a museum of love.

I sleep a lot less. Sometimes I walk from room to room in the dark. The curator; confident that all is motionless and at the same time convinced that a precious thing is about to fall, and break loudly. All the artifacts have been documented and stored behind the door of the third room. In glass cases. Taxidermy. Formaldehyde in the dark. I run my hands over a braille of familiar domestic items. Ears straining for a momentary delusion of sleep-breaths.

Yesterday I stood in the long lawn looking back at the house, hoping with all my imagination that the sun would stay UP. Suddenly a gigantic eagle landed on the TV aerial. It was a bird with shoulders. It was a bird who probably ate other birds on the wing. Astonishing. It was being dive-bombed by magpies but it just rested there a minute, watching me. And I thought 'there is the outside world'. Even though I was standing knee deep in the outside world. It was a thing that upon seeing it, clarifies.

I realised that the museum of love lives inside me, as I live inside it. My heart is a book depository, an archive vault of love. Which is why wandering around the dark house, expecting the sudden snapping noise of my heart cutting the silence is pointless. It is not a flimsy, or a hollow heart. It is bursting! The arteries around it become more and more taut with each recollection. My strength is all surface tension - a realisation which comforts me. Strength might be borne of emptiness or detachment, but not this.

And then it becomes easier to write again. The page isn't filled with oily spaces where words couldn't take grip. The page soaks up tears and effort once more. Next week I leave this house. There is so much leaving, but now I know I am taking with me a treasury of us.