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December 30, 2006

secret garden

nearly three fucking months man. my backbone has three curves where the cushions have been. my suitcases have been rooted to alex's floor while their contents shuffled in and out of backpacks with tags reading philippines, busan, or australia. one day of babysitting children, six shifts at the moon cafe. it might have felt like a holiday if i'd planned it. home might be where the heart is, but my heart was stuck in a future tense.
but now for nearly three weeks, like a child running down a slow train, ive caught up to my heart. you can find me here, cast in the orange glow of 4pm light, in the secret garden.

secret garden

from anguk station exit #3 you should take your first left and walk through the shadow of the hyundai motors office tower, past the intersection of ediya coffee house, log in convenience store, little tom's pizza and the oldest practising childrens' doctor in seoul, heading the wrong way up the one way street that curves like a sleepy motorist, until you near the high school T-section and its entreprenurial pop-star gift stalls. it's best to walk at night when the circular lamps shine up through the street vendor steam like runway lights, or in the morning, when quietness is appreciated best. there you take a tricky little back alley skirting the bad boys school. it's a flat topped four-apartment one-story building, but its tucked behind a couple of tradional houses, concealing its true ugliness beautifully. we're number two.

don't worry about letting the cold air in, it battles the mouldy wall smell well. no shoes inside, unless you're dashing for the light switch or an item left behind on the kitchen table. you'll notice its quite roomy for a korean apartment, with ample floorspace to rock out in or play a naughty game of twister. the desk, the fridge and the table are all roadside finds. the bed and hangers were bought from the internet at auction prices. the washing machine is the most expensive thing in the place, not counting cameras and computers, of which there are 6 and 1, respectively. sorry we haven't bought or found a couch yet. enjoy eating off our crockery, it's all handcrafted by a local artist. a large selection of vintage men and women's fashions can be found in the two ceiling high hangers in the bedroom. please bear in mind that koreans almost always prefer new to used goods, so expect a second glance. for your ablutions we apologize for the fluctuating water temperature and oft rancid smell emitting from the drain. we have contacted the landlord, who is snottier than a childrens' ward, so don't expect any prompt improvements. kids are welcome to play with ultraman and the other japanese toys on display.

parking is unavailable, absolutely anywhere, unless you like fines or encounters with filthy rich gold-dealer men who senselessly blame you for the collision of their latest model cars into stationary objects and bribe police in order to make you pay them for repairs to amounts unsubstantial to them but clearly to you as a struggling student living out of home for the first time. we don't recommend it however. you will enivitably enjoy the view from the kitchen and bedroom window's of inwang mountain and slated rooftops on the right and city scapes and huge screen tvs on the left. it's much like playing supermario cart. only two blocks away is the spectacular changdoek palace and it's secret garden. tours are free on thursdays.

we trust you'll enjoy your stay as much as we enjoy living here. love, jackson & hasisi.

December 27, 2006

actions of the proprieter of treeday cafe on xmas eve 2006

1. to pour beer into my glass in a manner simulating sexual intercourse
2. to place the beer bottle in front of his groin and make mastubatory hand actions
3. to drink the remainder of my beer (approx. 2/3 full)
4. to place the rim of my empty glass onto his panted groin, cupping his testicles, and make twisting motions
5. to take off his shirt revelaing his bare, slightly tubby, middle aged naked torso.
6. to perform five pushups on the cafe floor with another man standing on his back
7. to drip a large amount of hot candle wax onto his tongue
8. to take whiskey from another table, pour a full glass, and then pour roughly a third of it into each of our beer glasses

needless to say, it's my new favourite cafe

December 8, 2006


the list. a device that degrades short term memory or encourages categorical thinking? how best to cope with the urge to round it to a special number like 5 or 10 and potentially include bullshit items? can lists rank? is anything better than the mcsweeneys list? these are but a few of my questions.

one master of the list and true friend of mine is a man named chirstopher john stokes of the standard line delivery system. less than 6 days ago chris and i were swallowing red rooster bacon fillet burgers at the perth international airport and telling secrets, wishing that this us hanging out thing happened more regularly. this man fills me with compadreship and the insight into a heart that can see past the bullshit of our everyday existence. today is his birthday. send him a comment and perhaps ask him his list secrets.

as for what i've been up to since i returned to the magical land of korea:

1. experiencing the second coldest winter of my life (the #1 spot going to montreal 2000/01).
2. locking lips with a beautiful lady i know on a semi-permanent basis.
3. finding a quirky little apartment to rent in the art gallery district of seoul. the landlord looked like a korean godfather and would sporatically burst into angry high tones. he told sisi and i we looked like brother and sister as he showed us into a spacious but filthy villa apartment, the evening sun streaming in like a fanta fountain.
4. bubbling with excitement for a new home. we move in monday. simmering with fear for a new job. i start monday.
5. conquering one of my greatest fears by driving a tipsy sisi from hongdae to haebangchon. it was 3am but there was still more traffic than perth's peakhour. and it was raining. and the steering wheels on the wrong side. i was so proud of myself.
6. hanging out in a soon to be opened art gallery where sisi works. weve been pulling up vinyl floor tiles, shifting the collection, cleaning, and eating samgyeopsal with the director and his wife. he's a great artist and offered for me to join his drawing class.
7. missing the beautiful people i know who reside in that sleepy town latitudes below. i'm thankful to have experienced their warmthful embraces and vibrant minds.