June 29, 2005
Sticks and stones will break your bones, but words will always make you cry your little fucking eyes out
I can be a mean girl. Always have been. Never with sticks and stones mind you, always with words. I’ve always had a full arsenal of words at my disposal to be used for good, or evil as I so desired. And now, reduced to a handful or words, a world of mime and a whole head of facial expressions I find I am a much nicer person!
Without the tools for sarcasm, I have uncovered this girl that I barley recognise who is sweet and friendly, if not a bit dorky, over enthusiastic and hooray-for-everything! Take them away from me, those words. I obviously can’t be trusted to use them properly. Confiscate them at customs along with all the handy-craft wooden tat I’ll be trying to bring back with me into Australia and give them back when I have learnt how to play nicely with them.
June 14, 2005
Does this mean I'm a better person?
I had my phone nicked today, I suspect by one of the kids in my theatre workshop since it happened when we were rehearsing our upcoming performance, and I have to say I even surprised myself with my reaction. I’m an angry little girl sometimes, I use lots of unnecessary swear words at the best of times and I gotta lotta that really volatile pubuerty-fuelled rage still hanging about inside me, so when I found myself saying “it’s only a phone, at least no one died” without even having to coax it from between pursed, passive-aggressive shitty-knicker lips, I was amazed. I had to ask myself, ‘does this mean I’m becoming a better person?’ Of course the fact that I still haggled like a demon with my tri-shaw driver to get a ride home is not being taken into account in this diagnosis of enlightenment…
June 12, 2005
You can never be sure what's in a bag when you pass it on the street
I woke up with an unidentified puss filled bite on the inside of my elbow like some kind of disgusting infected track mark only to wait for an hour in the emergency department of the local hospital which does its best to uphold any ideas you might have about what a hospital in a developing country should look like (the doctor was wearing thongs!) to be told I had been bitten by a cockroach in my sleep. But for me that’s not as bad as sobbing on the toilet like a four year old hearing your insides drain out of you like a leaky tap and then having to drag yourself through the humid Colombo streets that are competing with your arse in the worst smell competition carrying a poo in a bag, your own poo in a bag to be exact. That time it was Giardia which was fine by me. I like things that have names, especially if they sound all exotic, like Giardia. And damn, I can tell you now I felt really exotic every time I found myself faced with the decision of which end to point toward the toilet first. Puss filled cockroach bite just doesn’t have the same ring to it.
June 10, 2005
People just 'aint no good
I think Nick Cave said it best, People just ‘aint no good. The verdict has been handed down in the case against the group of boys who murdered my cousin two and a half years ago. Not guilty. All of them. I might just be simple, but if they are not guilty of doing anything, then surely Leon should still be walking around today.
Sitting in the back of a tri-shaw belting down Galle Road in Colombo, sucking in my daily dose of diesel fumes, I find this out through a text message ALL IN CAPITALS from my mum. “NOT GUILTY FOR ALL. THE LAW IS A FUCKING ASS”. My mum never swears. When she’s really angry she says shitty shitty bang bang, but it takes a bunch of white trash cunts to push her to the point of saying ‘fuck’. I on the other hand have no trouble with swear words… what else has a girl got in a situation like this. Oooh, I know start a petition, write a letter to the editor, stand on a street corner with a placard. You know, things that really change the world. Things that will really make them have a good hard think about their actions. I want to hurt them. I want them to spend every minute of their lives at my aunties side. I want them to be there as she wakes up each morning and remembers that her son was murdered. I want them to be there when she’s out shopping and sees someone who looks like Leon and chokes back tears. I want them to be there when she is alone at home and all her strength and courage fails her, her heart hurts and there aren’t enough tears in the whole wide world for her to shed.
What can you say? The laws an ass? The justice system has failed us? This is the same rhetoric that is wheeled out each and every day by families that have their jugulars slit, their innards flayed and are left to slowly rot by the inhumanity of the courts. What are we meant to say, what do you want us to do? Passively walk out of the court room? Shake hands with the people who have bent our family so out shape that I can hardly recognise it as the same one where our Grandpa dressed up as Father Christmas and handed out presents from under the tree year after year? Christmas now is the anniversary of the day a group of boys jumped out of their car and beat Leon with their bare fists until he died. Christmas now makes me think, that people just ‘aint no good.
June 4, 2005
These are the things I miss
After living in Sri Lanka, or Sri Wanker (depending on how much I’ve been hassled on the street on any given day) for nine months I have to admit I have a bad case of the I-wanna-go-homes.
This is my bratty, spoilt rich white westerner list of things I miss:
-my stupidly expensive shampoo and conditioner that makes my curls all springy and soft
-streets with curbs and footpaths
-Neighbours - yes, the soapie, not the people next door
-Soy Lattes - what a wanker!
And this is my list of things that I think I am totally justified in missing:
-live music….The resident Colombo cover band that belts out Bon Jovi doesn’t count
-clean air, you know the kind not laced with diesel fumes
-walking down the street without being harassed
-all my friends and family
Things not on either of these lists I guess I can pretty much live without. Not bad really, eight things I need in this world to make me happy.
June 3, 2005
Too young to be using age as an excuse
Well, would you look at me. Thinking I’m all technologically savvy because I managed to post this all by myself like a big grown up. Actually that’s half the problem, being a bit grown up has rendered me useless around computers… so thanks to Patrick for taking me through the baby steps of blogs. He also gets credit for taking me through the 1,2,3’s and the a,b,c’s of sending email attachments - how embarrassing…