Risking the bends
Whatever difficulties may have arisen in your life over the past few days, Flip, you have the power to overcome them, gain new strength from the process and move on. Your physical energy is high, and therefore you won't wear out. You'll probably push on and take care of each chore as it presents itself. If you've been thinking of starting a new project, Flip, this is the day to do it, as obstacles aren't likely to stop you.
Today dawned with the intention of getting up and pumping some more iron but l an behold, when the alarm went off I just burrowed under the covers. When I finally got up two hours later I was in the same mood that had permeated my holidays - hermitude. I can't recall when, in living history, I have been so keen to bury myself away from the human race and speak to no-one for lengthy periods of time. In feels like a test of sorts, like holding my breath underwater and seeing how long I can hold out before the bubbles emerge. But I don't feel miserable - I simply feel suspended in space and unsure whether I should challenge this state of mind or simply let it drift along.
I think I would be less concerned if I were actually "doing" something during these periods besides reading the newspaper, watching endless films, cooking delicious meals to please only myself. Is it a healthy place to be? I always crave people's company but it feels as though my mind has reeled me in for a period of time and has left the solo me to its own devices to see what happens next. I wish I had some guidance.
I met an absolutely gorgeous boy the other night, but of course he belongs to someone else. A spark, a flicker, a dying flame, all in the course of one dinner. It is sort of alarming that in recent months I have absolutely not bothered with the opposite sex, even though a small - and it is small - part of me is curious about whose ear I may end up whispering in to on my pillow in future. But I ignore flirting, glance away instead of staring boldy back, dip my head down when walking around in crowds instead of catching people's eyes. I make no effort to flirt or spin webs around potential suitors and walk unnoticed through the world of pheromones. It is strange that this solitude does not feel as lonely as it might have done in the past - it feels more like a steadying period, a necessary quiescence that will eventually push me forward instead of backwards into a kind of despair. I am absolutely convinced that I cannot get involved with someone else until I have a stronger sense of who I am, what I want, where I'm going. Who knows when that will be?
(Does anyone even read this thing? I think my incessant and narcissistic ramblings could be starting to grate)
With the internet down today, I was forced to read the newspaper from cover to cover instead of browsing endlessly online. I am about to get stuck into Chloe Hooper's award-winning account of the injustice surrounding the death of Mulrunji Doomadgee on Palm Island in 2004, about which Sir Lawrence Street has just announced a review. I am really curious to know more: how on earth can a man who died in police custody under suspicious circumstances not be avenged in death, in lieu of life? The Feds have also finally started calling for David Hicks to get a fair trial. I am gobsmacked, frankly, at how long it had taken them to find a voice. I saw Michael Mori speak in Perth in November about all the reasons why Hicks was suffering from a grave injustice at the hands of the US government and it made me furious. I know Hicks is not an angel - indeed, some of his supporters might falter if they read accounts of exactly what he was up to in Al Quaida Summer Camp. Still, everyone deserves justice and no-one, read no-one, deserves to languish in isolation at Guantanamo Bay for five years without charge.
This week: eight bombs blew up in Thailand. Rocket-launchers were discovered to be sold to "terrorist" cells in Australia. Saddam Hussein was executed to the savage delightof mobile phone video and You-Tube fans worldwide. What a happy fucking world we live in, eh?
Exercise today: Eschewing the trolley and carrying two shopping baskets full of cat food and vegetables (30 calories). Dragging myself from my bed to the couch and back again (three calories). Typing this blog (one calorie or less).
Food: Two boiled eggs with dukkah, one chopped tomato with basil, 2 slices rye bread
Handful of Pringles with sundried tomato dip
Pumpkin filled ravioli with sauce of tomatoes, anchovies, olives, and capers.